Lorenzo Palon

"Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers." - (1 Peter 3:7) 

In the modern world, the concept of submission in marriage often raises eyebrows and sparks controversy. Many jump to the conclusion that it is an outdated and oppressive idea, associating it solely with wives yielding to their husbands. However, a closer examination of the biblical text reveals a deeper and more profound truth, one that calls for mutual submission and respect within the marital relationship.

Submission in the context of marriage is rooted in mutual respect and consideration, as outlined in 1 Peter 3:7. It reflects a principle of mutual submission stemming from reverence for Christ, transcending specific gender roles. Acknowledging the order in the family and the idea of male headship is vital, yet equally crucial is recognizing the spiritual equality of both partners.

Though it doesn’t explicitly say ‘husbands submit…’ in 1 Peter 2:9-3:9, the phrase ‘in the same way’ in verse 7 for husbands and in verse 1 for wives implies ‘submission to one another’. The entire context revolves around ‘submission’ for both wives and husbands. Just as Christ submitted to the will of the Father, we are called to submit to one another. While I believe in the order of creation and God’s will for male headship in the home and the church, it doesn’t diminish the spiritual equality of men and women (cf. Gen. 1:27). Having an order in the home doesn’t detract from the beauty of ‘submission’ or imply inferiority of women.”

“Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives,…” What does it truly mean to “be considerate”? In my experience, it has been invaluable in my marriage to empathize and try to see things from my wife’s perspective, especially during disagreements. This practice has often diffused my own anger, allowing me to comprehend the issues from a different angle. It has led me to recognize the presence of selfishness in some of the conflicts, prompting introspection. I believe this concept speaks to our identity in Christ. I am convinced that for a lasting and fulfilling marriage, one should marry someone who prioritizes love for Jesus above all else, including their partner. Therefore, a husband is called to live with his wife, considering her as the “weaker vessel” which means to respect her role as a woman and honoring her as an equal participant in the grace of life.

In the world to come, there will be no distinction between men and women, as sexuality is temporal, not eternal (cf. Matthew 22:30). It is crucial to treat our spouses in a way that fosters mutual growth, as effective prayer depends on the spiritual development of both partners. The efficacy of prayer in a household is directly linked to the joint growth of both spouses, and the respect and honor shown by husbands towards their wives is pivotal. Husbands are called to a certain level of submission, which needs to be manifested in the spiritual realm. Personally, the idea of submission only resonates with me when viewed through the lens of Christ’s sacrifice for me. I must relinquish my rights, shed my aggressive and competitive nature, and cease focusing solely on self-gain. This paradigm shift should permeate every facet of our lives, from business to home, and from leisure activities to all other areas.

Here are some practical tips to embody the concept of submission and consideration in marriage:

1. Practice empathy and actively listen to your spouse’s perspective, especially during disagreements, to foster mutual understanding and respect.
2. Prioritize your spouse’s well-being and spiritual growth, acknowledging their role as an equal participant in the grace of life.
3. Cultivate a selfless attitude, willing to sacrifice personal desires for the benefit of the marital relationship.
4. Approach decision-making collaboratively, recognizing the value of each other’s input and contributions.
5. Strive to manifest love and respect in daily interactions, creating an environment that nurtures mutual growth and spiritual development.

By integrating these practical tips, couples can build a marriage founded on mutual submission, respect, and consideration, reflecting the profound truth outlined in 1 Peter 3:7.

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Supplemental Readings

1. Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs: This book offers valuable insights into the importance of mutual respect and understanding in marriage, focusing on the differing emotional needs of spouses.
2. Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas: Providing a fresh perspective on the purpose of marriage, this book explores the spiritual journey that couples can embark on together, emphasizing the role of commitment and selflessness.
3. The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy Keller: Offering a thoughtful exploration of marriage through the lens of Christian faith, this book delves into the significance of love, respect, and partnership within the marital relationship.
4. Boundaries in Marriage by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend: This book addresses the concept of setting healthy boundaries within marriage, fostering mutual understanding and consideration while maintaining individual identities.
5. The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman: Exploring the different ways in which individuals give and receive love, this book provides practical guidance for enhancing communication and connection within marriage.