1Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise), 3so that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth. - Ephesians 6:1-3 (NASB)
Verses 1-3 of Ephesians 6 is Paul’s exhortation to children to obey their parents, with a promise of the blessing that would follow from obedience.
It is uncertain what age of “children” is being referred to here. The age at which a boy is considered a man varied in different cultures. In Jewish tradition, a boy became a man, responsible for the Law and marriageable, at the age of 13, a celebration known as bar mitzvah. Meanwhile, a girl became a woman at the age of 12, known as bat mitzvah. In Roman culture, a boy reached manhood at the age of 14, and in Greek culture, at the age of 18. In any case, Paul is referring to those who were under the care and authority of their parents, or those who were not yet of age.
The verb “obey” is a Present Active Imperative second person plural. It is a command for children to obey their parents “in the Lord”, that is, in a manner consistent with the teachings of the Lord, affirming that it is the right thing to do (see Colossians 3:20, Proverbs 6:20, 23:27). Paul highlights the crucial role that strong families play in building enduring and resilient societies.
The verb “honor” in the second verse is also a Present Active Imperative – a directive for children, not only for those not yet of age but irrespective of age.
The commandment to honor one’s father and mother is more than just a moral obligation – it is a timeless principle that holds the key to a fulfilling life. Paul directly links the act of honoring our parents with the promise of a long and prosperous life to Exodus 20:12 (vs 3).
The term “honor” originally had a commercial connotation, referring to giving proper weight or value to something. This concept stems from the Old Testament idea that something “heavy” holds great worth. In Christianity, children are expected to honor and cherish their parents (both father and mother) despite their imperfections. Just as there are no perfect parents, there are likewise no perfect children.
The statement cited in verse 3 is found in Deuteronomy and used in various contexts (cf. Deut. 4:40; 5:16,33; 30:17-18). It is not a personal promise of long life but a societal assurance of stability. Notably, Paul’s citation of the Ten Commandments indicates that the Law (Genesis-Deuteronomy) remained relevant for providing guidance to Christians (cf. Eph. 4:25,26; Rom. 10:4; 13:9-10; Gal. 2:15-21) but not for salvation (cf. Galatians 3). “on the earth” Paul modified the quotation from the OT, “In the land that the Lord your God has given you” (cf. Exod. 20:12; Deut. 5:16), turning it into a general principle. The NT writers frequently took promises from the OT intended for Israel and transformed them into universal truths.
I believe “obeying” and “honoring” parents are not the same. “Obeying” means submitting to their authority, as parents are mandated by God to have authority in the family structure. Even though parents may not always be right, children should obey them out of deference to the Lord.
“Honoring” means “giving value to.” Children should honor their parents for their love and upbringing. As children grow and establish their own homes, they have the freedom to make their own decisions and are not bound to obey their parents, especially if their parents interfere in their family life. However, children are always bound to honor their parents, even caring for them in sickness and old age. This is the essence of honoring parents.
The commandment to honor our parents is not merely a duty but a pathway to a life filled with blessings and contentment. As we uphold this timeless principle, we embrace the promise of a flourishing life, rooted in the values of respect, gratitude, and reverence for those who have shaped our existence.
References:
- “The Epistle to the Ephesians” by F.F. Bruce
- “Family in the Bible” edited by Richard S. Hess and M. Daniel Carroll R.
- “Christian Ethics: An Introduction to Biblical Moral Reasoning” by Wayne Grudem
- “Understanding Biblical Theology: A Comparison of Theory and Practice” by Edward W. Klink III and Darian R. Lockett
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